And we're........OUTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!! Almost.....

!

THIS IS MY NEW HOME!

Two days before Thanksgiving I got a call from Neal, telling me I needed to get to a computer, NOW! I was on my way to pick up Delia from the babysitter after teaching some lessons, so I asked to use their computer for a minute. He had sent me an e-mail attachment with some pictures of this cute little lodge in Utah. I called him as I was looking at and he said "Guess what? That's our new home!!!!!!!" It took a few minutes for everything to process in my brain, and as soon as it DID, I couldn't stop thinking at about a billion miles an hour!! He had landed a job with the Western artist Peter Fillerup in Heber City, Utah, about an hour out of Salt Lake City. As part of the job deal, Pete is letting us stay in this fully-furnished, 2 bd/2 bath lodge that he built onto his studio, originally to be a showroom for his artwork. He does custom furniture, lighting, and sculpting. It's INCREDIBLE!! We only get to stay there for probably the first 6 months, but it is RENT and UTILITY-FREE. How cool is that?! It will give us the chance of a lifetime to get on our feet, get a good start on our loans AND savings, plus time to look around for another place, instead of just having to jump into something out of sheer necessity. Hopefully we can find a cute little house somewhere :) So we are taking off next Sunday. I have a piano recital THIS Sunday (30 performers!), and then I am turning my studio over to Rhonda Bennett. I have had so many tears already from my kids AND their parents!! :( I'm really going to miss them all so much. Each student has taught me something new and all-in-all it has been a really great experience. However, I am so looking forward to turning the "bread-winner" title in and retiring :D I can't wait to be able to spend all my time with Delia now, and learn how to be a really great mommy. I have just had to divide my time too much, and she hasn't gotten her fair share so far. I am so excited. Don't even have any reservations about what I'm going to DO with all of my time now :) I do need to get something done today though....So tata, and more updates soon :) P.S. Delia has said 2 sentences so far: "I need help!" (we get that one about 3,000x a day) and then I was chastising her for spilling her water all over (on purpose) in the carseat, and she looked at me and said "It's just water." I looked at Neal and he burst out laughing! She is so right though. It WAS just water. *sigh* What do you do?

So much uncertainty... So exciting! :)

I'm taking Neal to the airport tomorrow at 4:30am to catch a one-way flight to Salt Lake City. No, he's not leaving me for good :) He's going for some business/web training and a couple of interviews. It's REALLY crazy, because by next week, things could be so incredibly different!!! If he gets a job, and someone wants him to start immediately, he will. And I'll be single-momming it for a month. Which would be really, super hard, but I think I would survive.

I've been feeling amazing lately. I almost feel like something's wrong with me, that I can go from so sad and unmotivated to being crazy excited about life and all its possibilities. I can actually pin point the change to a certain situation, though, so I don't think I'm bi-polar :D Let's just say I feel that I have made some huge strides in the "growing up" department lately, and understanding/accepting the things I CAN change, vs. the things I WANT to, but CAN'T change.

That's about all I have to say for now. I'll try to keep you updated, and I'll see how happy I can stay with my hubby being gone for and undetermined amount of time :(


This was me, 3 1/2 years ago! :)

Depression

Depression is a funny thing, in a not-so-funny way.

It makes me not want to do anything, but then I get more depressed when nothing gets done. I know I have a wonderful husband who loves me infinitely; a daughter who is more-or-less the most beautiful and interesting thing that has ever walked the earth; a job doing something I love; and a knowledge and understanding of certain spiritual things that many people live their whole lives without.

So I ask myself regularly, WHY do I get depressed so much?

It is definitely in my family, no doubt about it. And I suffered a childhood of it's unchecked-effects in my mother. I speculate that she also did growing up, especially with her parents' divorce when she was 13. So is it hereditary? I don't know if it's necessarily "in my genes", but I do believe it is an automatic, learned response. The only way I ever saw things dealt with. Get mad. Shut down. Cry a lot. Don't talk to anyone except to yell and scream and bully your kids. And most ESPECIALLY, don't let anyone know you are having a hard time, because that is showing your weakness, and you're not allowed to have any. You must be perfect at all times.
Well, I've tried that...and it's depressingly impossible. So guess what everyone? I get depressed. And it feels really, really good to say that.

On top of that, however, this "knowledge" is sometimes depressing too. It has the potential and capacity to bring utter joy, peace, and personal comfort, but with it comes the pain of seeing those who need it either reject it, misuse it, or both. And when something means the world to me, and makes my heart spontaneously burst with happiness on a regular basis, I want all the people that I love to experience it as well. But then I hear, "It's not for me." Or, on the flip side of that, confess to knowing and believing the same things that I do, then acting hypocritically. That breaks my heart more than the first.

For example, imagine someone teaching you one day a week that you are important; unique; special; and that they love you very much. Then for the next six days, they call you lazy; worthless; stupid; then they hit you and scream in your ear; call you a liar. Which of these are you prone to believe? Most would probably get a really twisted sense of the word "love" and its connotations.

Huh. So much to ponder. But I think I am going to get through this.

Bank Account

This is AWESOME ... something we should all remember.
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each
morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved
perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.
His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After
many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled
sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description
of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just
been presented with a new puppy.
Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.
Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.
Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is
arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.
'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice;
I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful
for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day
and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank
account of memories!
Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank.
I am still depositing.
'Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred..
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans

Thoughts

I read a very stirring presentation by the amazing Dallin H. Oaks that he gave to a group of BYU students about our religious freedoms being threatened. With all the "threats" out there today of war, economic collapse, nuclear attack, etc., it's refreshing to have a source that you can really identify with and say, "If this man says it's a threat, then you KNOW he knows." Thus the importance of continuing revelation.

The entire presentation has a link on the lds.org homepage right now, but the part that fueled my fire were the comments about the Proposition 8 in California. A pro-gay rights spokesperson said this about our Church's position on marriage: “I’m not intending it to harm the religion. I think they do wonderful things. Nicest people. . . . My single goal is to get them out of the same-sex marriage business and back to helping hurricane victims.”


This was on my mind this morning as I was driving, and I saw a firetruck parked near a home. There was no fire, and i'm not sure what their purpose was at that moment, but the scene that flashed through my mind was kind of a Sesame Street type....when the fireman is rescuing a kitten from a tree for the distressed old lady.


The analogy came immediately afterwards: what this man was asking us, as a church, to do, is like asking the firemen to stop trying to put out fires, and rescue more kittens.

Bahamas Trip

We made it back!! Had a great time on our quick little cruise and one day in Nassau, Bahamas. Went to Paradise Island and saw the Atlantis resort, took a fun little van tour across all of New Providence, got to go on a semi-submarine out to a couple of reefs, then, of course, there was all the funness of the cruise ship!! Pools, water slide, music, comedians, and LOTS of free food! (I gained 5 pounds in 3 days :D )


Here are some pics!

Silly old men

I went to get gas this morning and pulled up at the same time as a cute old man (we're talking like 75). He smiled at me and followed me into the store. I gave the cashier my $25 (trying to stick to a cash system---no more credit and minimize debit), went back out and began pumping. The gentleman came out a minute later, saw my license plate and said "Wyoming, huh?" I smiled and just gave a "Yeah :)" Then he said, "You're no bigger than a minute, but sure are adorable." I'm sure my face lit up, I gave a little laugh and said thanks. He wished me a good day and waved goodbye as he drove off.

These little moments just make my day. But they are also the thing that make it hard for me to ever visualize, or think of myself as an adult, a grown up. So much of the time I feel like a 35 year old, stuck in a 14 year-old's body.

I haven't really been adversely affected by it yet I think, except that it's hard to feel like I could ever be a role model for anyone over the age of 12. I don't think people see me and think of me as the strong, independent, mature person that I want to be known as. It's more like a surprise when I do something mature, because I feel like I'm only compared to teenagers. Or maybe that's only what I perceive. And I do very much believe that my perception can be extremely warped. Not sure how to fix something like that.

Oh well. I need to go read or something. My house is clean, my dishes done, my laundry caught up, we're all packed for our trip, my baby's sleeping, and my husband is out teaching with the missionaries. I've never felt so at a loss for something I SHOULD be doing!! :D And I L.O.V.E. it!

Bahamas jitters :)

I am SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOO excited for Monday! We board our cruise ship at 1:00pm, spend Tuesday in Nassau, and Wednesday cruise back. It'll be quick, but it will be amazing. In one year, and before her 2nd birthday, Delia will have been to Washington, DC, Arequipa, Camana, Puno, Ollantaytambo, Machu Picchu, and Cuzco,Peru, and the Bahamas :) Not to mention her two trips to Wyoming. Quite the world traveler already! I'm hoping to instill a passion for exploration :D There are just FAR too many amazing things to see in this world. Next on the agenda are Canada (specifically Abraham Lake in Alberta), the pyramids in Cairo, Egypt, and Switzerland. :)

Hooray for Living Prophets!

This is us getting ready for General Conference!! 13.5 million people, all sharing the same convictions, watching the same thing, learning the same messages of service, our Divine heritage, and our missions as sons and daughters of God. It's great to be part of something so vast and wonderful.

General Conference always feels sort of like another New Year's Day for me....making resolutions to do better, be better. But always being filled with hope and encouragement from all the Spiritual giants we have on our side. We will win. It's hard, but we can, and were meant to, DO HARD THINGS. How could we ever grow if everything were easy.

Oh my.

Well the last time I posted was July, so.................we'll see what wants to spew out today :D

Since July:

~ Had the worst travel experience of my life---physically and emotionally---to WY. go figure.
~ Dropped from 34 piano students to 22 students
~ Started school
~ Had an incredible two months of classes--was taking Statistics, Ethics, World History, Music History, Speech Communications, Vocal Pedagogy, Private Voice, Voice Performance, and Choir.
~ Had a nasty reality check about what I was doing to myself, my baby, my husband, and my stress level, and dropped out of school
~ Delia has successfully learned that if Mommy says no, ask Daddy :)
~ Delia can walk for up to 5 minutes in a pair of high heels
~ Delia can now communicate very efficiently with her "NO" and "UH-HUH"s, but pretends to fall asleep when I try to teach her actual words :D
~ Neal has applied to lots and lots of jobs...thought we were going to get one in Canada, but were sorely disappointed :(
~ I am really REALLY excited to be home with my babies at least half a day now, and be able to do my dishes, keep up my laundry, COOK!!!!!, and organize. Maybe my fish might even get some clean water now and then :)
~ Got a new camcorder and haven't had time to explore and play with it yet. Now I will!!!

And along with that last one.....I can keep up with my blog now hopefully. LOL. we'll see.

Independence Day

We had a great 4th of July! Began the day with some guy-time for Daddy when he went shooting with an Army friend while the wives and kids played in a pool!

Here's a pic of D trying to be cool for her friend Connor :)

Then we were happy to attend the baptism of Wendy Darwin and welcome her into the Savannah Ward. What a perfect day for starting a new life, on the birthday of our nation!

After that we put Delia down for a nap and while she slept (for 3 hours!!) Mommy and Daddy had some quality time together doing.....what else?......playing "Little Big Planet" on the PS3 :)

Then we drove 30 minutes to the beach and played for an hour. Delia had SO much fun jumping in the waves! She just kept wanting to go out further and would try to wriggle herself out of our arms. She even got to try out the Boogie Board!! loved it. Then we played "bury mommy in the sand", found lots of cool shells, then headed back home. Unfortunately we didn't see Miley Cyrus anywhere......pretty sure she was in the white limo we passed on the way to the beach :D

Took us an HOUR to drive home, and almost ran out of gas! But we made it just in time to rinse off in the shower then walk with our friends, the Ballards, up to River Street for the fireworks show, where we also met up with Tela and her sister Talitha.

Delia was a little irked at the first couple fireworks....they were REALLY loud! But then she got into it and pointed, making "oohs" and "ahhhhs", even clapping a few times! She was really sad when it was over. Kept staring into the sky and pointing. Gina said she got some good pics, so I'll try to post those as they come!

For now, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA, and I am SO proud to be and AMERICAN. Thanks to all those who have fought, are fighting, and will forever fight to keep us free.

Ahhhhhh....Back to my USA

Wow. Wow wow wow. I just had the most incredible experience of my LIFE!!! Arequipa, Camana, Puno, Juliaca, Cuzco and Lima PERU.....with a crazy independent 16-month old, a fluent husband, and myself knowing very little Spanish ('un piquito', 'no hablo espanol', and 'Babe, what is she saying to me?' became my favorite phrases...) ! But it sure feels good to be home :) Very soon I will post my travel log with pictures, but it's late, and I am super excited to sleep in my own bed again! Ahhh, my spring mattress, fluffy pillows, hot water on demand, triple-ply toilet paper, and no sign in my bathroom saying "Please do not flush paper". I am incredibly spoiled.

Til next time......tata!

p.s. This is us next to Volcano Misti in Arequipa

HeLLLOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I'm HERE!!! And now I'm not. No, really. I'm almost in South America. So really, cool, awesome Deanna helped me to FINALLY get a BLOG going. Good timing, seeing how i'm going have SO MUCH to tell about Peru! So, stay posted......

loves!
Maria