Mother of SIX: Day One

Holy moly, people.  My last post was August. I can't even begin to play catch up from there! So I'll will start with introducing my current self.

HI!  My name is Maria.  I am 30 weeks pregnant with my third baby girl, Vaeda Alyce.  I have a spunky, sassy 2 year old, Afifa Karen, and a fun, artistic 5 year old, Delia Esther. We also just welcomed to our family my youngest brother, Sam, who will be 13 next month! He moved in with us the beginning of January, and we officially became his legal guardians on February 20th, after a long, hard, emotionally challenging process. I have 12 brothers and sisters (11 living), and I love them all so passionately that I can't handle seeing them hurting and not try to do something, even if it's something drastic.

I am in my 4th year now as the musical director for a youth theater called Center Stage Youth Performers, and, other than being a wife and mommy, it is the most fulfilling, joyous thing in my life :) We have 80-100 kids between age 7 and 18. We do classes on Wednesdays from September- December, then audition and cast all of the kids in January for a spring musical. My first year was Beauty and the Beast, last year was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and 2 days ago was closing night for The Little Mermaid. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Love all the staff and kids I get to "work" with so much :)  It is hardly work. I mean, really, can you even call it a job if they came to you and said, "Sorry, we can't pay you anymore" and your immediate response would be "That's ok! I'll do it for free!!" LOL Not that I don't appreciate the little bit of extra income... Really though, the staff in just incredibly inspiring and uplifting, and I have grown tremendously just through pure association!!

My insanely hot and hardworking hubby and I will be celebrating our first 7 years of Eternity in 3 weeks. He is, hands down, the greatest thing that has ever, or will ever, happen to me. I love him and I love the family that I married into! Lucky, blessed, and, very much spoiled girl right here.

Less than 2 months ago, we bought our very first home!! We moved from a 1000 sq ft apartment into a 6 bedroom, 3 bath, 2800 sq ft place that is on almost a quarter of an acre! YIPPEE!!! It was miracle after miracle to get us here, and it is magnificent. I like to think (hope, pray, cross-fingers) that it is our first and LAST home :)  Of course, we'll be prepared for anything or anywhere the Lord wants to take us, but I know that He has led us here for now, and here we will stay until told otherwise :)

My best friend and little sister has been in the mission field now for just a couple weeks now, entering the MTC on Feb 27th to prepare for service in the Phoenix Arizona Mission, Spanish-speaking :D I love that girl a crazy amount, and am so so SOOOOOO proud of her. She is loving the work and has already threatened to never, ever come home :) Her sweet missionary, Cortland Dickey, is in the Philippines on a mission, due home about 6 months before her. I am really hoping he is my brother-in-law sooner rather than later after she gets home ;)

NOW. For the motivation to actually log into my blog. My brother and his wife are, at this moment, getting ready to board a plane to HAWAII for their 10-year anniversary trip! YAAAAAY!! I am so excited for them, and excited that I could be a big part of them being able to do it :)  I am, for the next week, the mother of 6 children! :D Their 3 kids are ages 8 (Mark Jr), 6 (Marlayna), and 4 (James).

This is a report of DAY ONE:

I fed 4 adults and 6 children breakfast this morning :) French toast and fruit. Mmmmm.
Hubby headed to work, Sam caught his bus to schoool.
Jillayne and I put together a workable meal plan for the 8 days that I would be watching their kids, then we went grocery shopping with Afifa and Marlayna.
Had fish sticks, salad, and grapes for lunch.
Mark and Jillayne said their goodbyes and hit the road to Vegas about 1pm to catch their red-eye flight to Hawaii.
Sam got home from school and the kids all played for awhile doing various things (jumping on the tramp, PS3, Wii) then we went to the library to return/checkout books. After the library we had a snack (carrots, crackers, cheese) and then headed to Sam's soccer practice. Dropped him off and went to Home Depot to return a bath-plug that didn't work and picked up some wildflower seeds to plant in our front flower beds.  We went next door to the pet store afterwards to see all of the little animals there and dream about buying a couple of parakeets :)
Picked up Sam from soccer then came home and made chicken/black bean quesadillas for dinner.
After dinner we had FHE (Family Home Evening) on making good choices. I loved one of Marlayna's comments about WHY making good choices makes us free. She said it's like a maze. If you make a bad choice, you will keep running into a wall and getting lost. But if you make GOOD choices, you will find your way out and be free :)  I loved all of their little insights!! Made me want to do it every single night they are here!! LOL
Brushed teeth, said prayers and said goodnight. James came out but wouldn't respond to any questions as to why, so I picked him up and carried him back to be, which he did NOT like. At all. Said he hates me. His mom warned me of that :)  Mark came out of bed for a snack and I told him no snacks after brushing his teeth.
All in all?  A very successful day :)  My goal is to document every single day, so brace yourself for what it might be like 6 days from now :D

And now....sleep. <3 p="">

Dear Society:

I am a bearer of children and, therefore, 
a creator of the future. 

My compassion, love, and guidance helps to develop the leaders, heroes and mothers of tomorrow.

I am a counselor, chauffeur, chef.

I am a nurse, a librarian, an educator.

I am a historian, and art collector, a musician.

I am a cheerleader, financial planner, and maid.

I am a seamstress, wash lady, and I crochet.

I am a wife.  I am a mother. I am a Mormon. I am woman.

And there are not words to express my joy in being.

Tell me that part again...the one where my religion oppresses me?

And that, because of my children, I'm missing out on a more fulfilling lifestyle? 

Sincerely,

Me 

Catch up? Haha :) That would take hours, and my bedtime was 4 minutes ago :)

So much has happened since my last post, and I keep thinking that life is going to slow down, and I will have massive amounts of time to do whatever I want...like blog! ha. Not happening so far.

I have had loads of fun and excitement this summer with a trip to my big sis's wedding in Seattle; camping and hiking with my lil fam; some precious time spent with the in-laws in June, then a not-so-happy trip back to the in-laws to say farewell to my mom-in-law; went to Star Valley just last week to see my lil bros and sister, and had some awesome catch-up time with my dear cousin Terynn; took all the kiddos swimming at Bear Lake; am in the middle of teaching my 2nd set of workshops at the theater; AAAAND Delia started pre-school!!! GAH! Welcome to my crazy summer. lol

I was doing some reading and studying for my talk this Sunday and came across this gem by Prophet Joseph F. Smith, I think from 1911. Played with the fonts a little bit, and printed it out to frame as an everyday reminder. It hit me really hard. I get angry way too often. I'm not as kind as I should be. I don't sigh and let it go enough. I yell too much. I forget that patience is a virtue...and a necessary one to be a great mother. I know some of my issues are learned behaviors, stemming from the way my parents treated me, but I also believe in my ability to change myself, to create new and improved methods of living and reacting. My goal is to memorize this, so that I can repeat it to myself instead of getting angry. Love. There is no replacement. And there is no excuse.

Dinner. I know, right? I'm blogging about dinner?!

Ok, don't be disappointed, but I wasn't planning on blogging after dinner ABOUT dinner, so I didn't take any pics. I'll try to be better about that :)

I'm only blogging about it because it turned out AMAZINGLY and I don't want to forget it. I usually make up a good portion of most of my meals, so they're hard to recreate. I need to get it all down on paper....er....blogger....before I forget :)

Step 1: Put 3-4 inches of water onto boil (I used a big soup pot)

Step 2: Peel and dice potatoes, be sure to cut out any weird stuff (I had 5 smallish ones)

Step 3: Dump potatoes in water, boiling or not.

Step 4: Add a few shakes of seasoning salt and a tablespoon or so of an Italian herbs mix

Step 5: Add a packet of Lipton's Onion Soup mix.

Step 6: While all of that boils until the potatoes are tender, pour 3-4 tablespoons of apple juice in a skillet and turn on high.

Step 7: Cut up a dinner sausage into 1/2 inch rounds, then quarter them (Hillshire Farm Beef Polska Kielbasa...I only had half of one, quartering them makes them stretch farther...)

Step 8: Drop sausage pieces into apple juice, cook until apple juice boils down to a sticky sauce and sausage is crispy. Remove from heat

Step 9: In a blender, blend together 1-2 cups of the boiling potato soup and a brick of cream cheese. Pour back into the pot.

Step 10: Add sausage.

Step 11: Start adding potato flakes until it reaches a desired consistency (I like mine fairly thick, I think it took a little over a cup of flakes. Remember it will thicken as it cools, too)

Step 12: Dish up. Add a little grated Cheddar for garnish and taste, and VOILA!!! :D Dinner is served :)

Pool party with the sibs!

I called my dad last week to ask if they wanted to come play in the pool and see our new place. Ironically enough, they were wanting to come down to a close friend's mother's funeral in Alpine, about 40 min southeast. So I encouraged them to come stay the night on Wednesday and leave the kids with me on Thursday while they went to the funeral. They did just that, and we had a blast!!

I was really sad when my little bro Aaron didn't come because of some school event/trip. Can't blame him, but I was disappointed he didn't come. That kid is AWESOME!! He is so smart and funny, and just fun to be around :) He just turned 14, which kills me, because I still have vivid memories of mothering him as a baby, helping him learn to walk and toddle along... lol Not saying that I don't have those memories with all the other kiddos too....they are all really incredible little people and it's just plain WEIRD to see them growing up a little more every time we're together. Being able to spend time and give some love to Daniel (16 next month), Samuel (12) and Katherine (10 next week!) was uber fun though!!! We hung out til late morning and went to the pool for a good hour, came back and ate pizza, then went to the pool for a couple more hours :) Did I mention I'm addicted? lol

Back from the pool, it was funny to hear the doorbell ring and open it to, not only my parents, but my little sister Melissa's "significant other". lol We were expecting him, of course, but the timing was impeccable! It was a fun "meet the parents/siblings" evening, complete with "Apples to Apples" (the game), lasagna, and a great spinach salad creation (sauteed-then-cooled zucchini, yellow squash and purple onion, glazed with honey, and fresh red peppers, tossed with spinach and a poppyseed dressing. YUM!)

Dealt with the anticipated break-down after everyone left, when Delia bawled about her Uncle Daniel leaving. lol She loves him SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. I know it might make her other 10 uncles sad that she is so vocal about Daniel holding that title (and he wears it proudly, believe me...lol) but what do you do? Delia is pretty sure the answer is that Daniel needs to live with us so she can play with him EVERY day. I tried talking him into it, buuuuuuut....he does kinda have a life where he's at now :) I did talk to my dad about having Katherine and Samuel come stay for a couple weeks this summer, and it seemed pretty likely! I would sure love to have them around, and could use some babysitting help too! Hopefully that works out. Well, I'll get some pics on here to top it off, then maybe later on I can tell the rest of the story....lol Curious?! Stay tuned!!!! ;)

First post from HERRIMAN!!!

Okay, first of all, I have to say how pleasantly surprised I am. I absolutely LOVE my apartment! I guess I had sort of resolved to just "deal with it", and knew I was going to be cramped and claustrophobic. We lost about 400 sq ft and a garage moving here. However, I really can't get over how quickly we settled in, found a place for everything, and how "at home" I feel. Loving it! The floor plan is nice and open, we have a patio so the girls can play "outside" without me having constant supervision(yes!), the hallway is really wide, main bath is HUGE, AND I have a master bath (HALLELUJAH!), the girls' walk-in-closet doubles as a "play room", and with them being in a bunk bed now, the rest of their room has plenty of play space! As far as my little kitchen goes...yes, my pantry is smaller, but it's not going to get cluttered with "stuff", just because there IS space there. My favorite thing though? It's never taken more than 10 min to clean, and that's including doing dishes. MAJOR PLUS. I felt like I was forever cleaning my kitchen at our old place! More space means more places to stack/pile randomness, which all the sudden becomes these big, overwhelming mountains. lol. So no more of that! Let me see if I can figure out some pics here.....although, if you've seen my facebook, most of these are on there :) OH!! And did I mention that I am completely ADDICTED to our pool?!! LOL I'd say it's the best feature of our entire new lifestyle :) Already not looking forward to winter because we spend SO much time there! We're all looking nice and tan :) got some funky lines going on, but whatever. It's worth it :D So that's it for this post :) Have lots more to write about, but it'll have to wait. Hubby went on an all-day hike with his bro, took some AMAZING photos....I'll have to see if I can get some up here tomorrow....anyway, he's exhausted, so I'd better call it a night, too. Still got dinner dishes to do. I'll try to write some more tomorrow....have our very first get-together with some new friends tomorrow! Excited to do that part of "settling in" :) That's all for now! Later!

Hello 1 am :) So good to see you again! psht.

I know I should be in bed....tomorrow is going to be a long day. But my mind is going a billion miles an hour over this moving business. Thinking of all the things I need to do, vs. all the things I want to do, and where in the WORLD am I going to find time to do "that"?! :) I hope all of this planning and work that goes into a yard sale pays off :P I've decided to sell the girls' beds and get them a bunk. The rooms that we're moving into are smaller, and we're already wall-to-wall with all of their "stuff". It's funny the problem-solving that goes into just a little thing like this. I first decided just to move Afifa to a toddler bed because her crib is so big....it's one with a changing table attached with drawers and shelves. Then I thought, hey, maybe they make beds that are just a top bunk? Quick google search and, voila! Loft beds! So then I thought, Great! We'll get a loft bed and put the toddler bed underneath! But if you know me, I rarely pay full price for anything, and I wasn't finding a good selection of 2nd-hand loft beds. More people are selling bunk beds. So I thought, why not? I can just put a safety rail up for Afifa, Delia would love a top bunk, and there we go! So that's the plan. I can't believe I'm going to put my 17 month old on the bottom of a bunk bed. LOL It's hard to think of her as not even 2 yet, because she is insanely advanced right now. She repeats back most everything I say to her, she is BEGGING to be potty trained (she asks about 5 times a day to sit on the potty and I'm totally resisting with the move and everything), she follows instructions perfectly, most of the time I only have to show her something once and she is a pro, she feeds herself, she makes up songs....seriously. And it's hard for me not to expect too much from her, because she is so bright. I expect her to NOT get into my makeup drawer every. single. day. (Today it was RIP to my favorite tube of lipstick....the other day it was my eyeshadow) I expect her NOT to pull the wipes out of the container every. chance. she. gets. I expect her to stay out of the neighbor's dirt....what's wrong with ours?! lol But I have to stop myself, because what I start to expect is perfection. From my 1 year old. And if I don't keep my perspective straight (she is ONLY 1), then I turn into a punisher, not a teacher. Not even a disciplinarian. Just a punisher. And I hate myself when I get that way. Wow. I'm way too honest with myself this late at night. Hmmmm. Better not make a habit out of it :) But hey! It's me. Going to bed now. Missing my honey. Glad he's home tomorrow night to snuggle me! Here's a pic of my lil bug Afifa! Complete with wings from Aunt Jillayne ;)

I Confess.

As I have been packing up my house for yet another move (number 7 in the last 6 years), I find myself reflecting on this idea of a "start over" in the game of life. I live a charmed life, it's true. Happily married to my bestest friend, two amazing little people I'm honored to have call me "mommy", a great support system of friends and family, and a pretty good grasp on what life is all about. But knowing that last tidbit, and having it reflect constantly in my actions...I struggle. I yell too much. I'm short-tempered. I'm disagreeable over things that don't matter. I let meaningless details distract me from the "big picture". My biggest, and most destructive, downfall is stretching myself too thin. I think I do it to feel needed. But that doesn't make sense either, because WHAT or WHO could need love and gentleness and attention more than the man who works his life away to support and provide, or a couple little souls who need constant nourishment for their incredible minds, beautiful (and energetic....ha!)bodies, and sweet, sweet spirits? I've said "No, I'm busy" way more often than I've said "Yes, I'd love to do that for/with you". I've spent more time on the computer than I have loving my children on purpose. I say on purpose, because it's easy to confuse the routine "I do this because I love you" with "I do this because it's my duty"...change diapers, fix meals, get them dressed, take them with me on errands, make it to a park occasionally, get out the paper and crayons so they can draw pictures...But to actually spend TIME with my babies, doing things to teach them, stimulate their growth....this is going to be new for me. I want to play dress-up and make-believe. I want to draw WITH them. I want to teach them songs. How to tie shoelaces. Build something with legos. Be crafty. I'm not going to knock myself too hard, because I know it's a process. Evaluate, change. Evaluate, change some more. Climb higher. Tweak the steps to reach the goal. SET goals. So that is where I'll start. Goals. My goal is to be happy. Because if I can be happy, I can make those around me happy. And if there was one word that I'd like people to describe me in at the end of my life, it would be "She was happy". Not the fake-it-til-ya-make-it kind, or short-lived...but the kind that makes me want to burst. Eyes sparkle. The kind that makes my family want to be near me, because my happiness is infectious. There are a lot of changes that need to happen in order for this to be achieved, but the biggest, and hardest decision is made. That is to focus. Focus on my role as mommy over everything else. It's a hard thing to give up making money. Give up helping to monetarily support our family. But honestly, that is the last "support" we need to worry about, because I know with all of my heart that we are not in this alone. I hold to the promise that the Lord takes care of His own. And I want nothing more than to be just that. His own. I know what He expects of me, and I know what to expect in return. An easy life, right? lol Hardly. It's when life gets hard that I realize how much I matter to Him. He is only trying to mold me into the best me I can be. And sometimes it hurts. I also know that what he expects of me is not necessarily what he expects of any other person. That is why He is the Judge, and we are not. He can see the "big picture", where, even if we get a glimpse, we generally only have the capacity to see where we fit in, or our small circle on influence. Trust. Trust in the Lord, and be still. As far as a list goes for the goal setting, it looks something like this: 1) Close my teaching studio. 2) Quit facebook. It's an illusion, making me think I matter to all these different people, when really I'm ignoring the people who matter the most. It's mindless, addicting, and I have too much of a tendency to try to be what others think I should be, instead of being true to myself. I take full blame for this. It's a personality flaw. lol. But facebook fosters it. 3) Meal plan. Food makes the world go 'round :) I know it's a far-fetched dream, but I dream for mealtime to be an exciting, wonderful time of day, every time. Not go into panic mode when the kids start saying they're hungry and you realize they need food NOW, because they're already cranky, and there is no time to whip up a masterpiece in the next 5 minutes. Peanut butter and jelly it is. 4) Laugh with my kids every single day and show them I love them in everything I do. 5) Wake up before my kids. That way I'm ready for them :) 6) Exercise. There is just no excuse not to do this. Especially when I still have a napper. I will feel better, be stronger, and function better at everything I do. My body loves exercise, and with all the things I do to it, the least I can do is give back by exercising. And that is where I'll end this little post of mine...since it's almost 2am! lol Hubby is gone on a canoe trip. First night without him is always the hardest to crawl into that bed alone :( I'm expecting a lot out of myself, starting this blog again. But I feel confident that I'll actually keep up on it this time. Big changes happening! :D

In the Good Ol' Summertime!

Well I have to say that this summer is probably going to be the death of me.... IF you can die of fun and excitement!!!! :D A little catch-up first though...........

Our "Beauty and the Beast" production was AMAZING, and I miss all of my kids so stinkin' much! Teaching 4 weeks of vocal/musical theater workshops this summer, then gearing up for the fall theater classes, and really looking forward to helping direct "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" next spring!! I LOVE MYJOB!!!!!!!!! :D

CENTER STAGE YOUTH PERFORMERS!!!

GASTON and his SILLY GIRLS :)

Neal is in a total happy place when it comes to his job :) He has just enough responsibility, recognition, and fun to be completely satisfied. And MAN does he look good all dressed up and important-like! ;) He really is the best daddy ever, too. As soon as he gets home, I may as well not exist in Delia's eyes! She just follows him around and jumps/climbs/clings all over him. From the looks of it, Afifa is going to be JUST as much of a daddy's girl.....now how fair is that?! lol She gives him all her biggest smiles, and makes the cutest happy-noises when she sees him. She will dive out of my arms towards him, no matter HOW far away he is! We've had some almost-dropped incidents because I wasn't prepared for her launches :) lol These pics were taken in May....

My lil sister Melissa graduated from Star Valley High School the end of May, which I was so happy to attend, then moved in with me for the summer! We had a wild party at my house that consisted of my BIG sister Amy, Amy's bf, my dad, brothers Daniel, Aaron, Samuel, and baby sister Katherine (turning 9 TODAY, actually). We celebrated Aaron turning 13 and Samuel turning 11, AND I had my studio recital, all that same weekend! My excitement over being with so much family totally overruled any underlying stress, thank GOODNESS! lol

I'm going to have to post the rest in other posts....too much for just one! lol

Look for Summer: PART II :)

And.......a year later.... :)

Oh dear. A whole YEAR has flown by without me hardly noticing!

I'm not in a position to play catch up right now, but I'll throw up some pictures of our latest adventure in Goblin Valley last Saturday, March 26th.

If someone were to ask me to describe my life right now in as few words as possible, it would only take two: Practically Perfect :)

I live in Springville, Utah, with my amazingly talented and wonderfully loving husband, Neal, and my two gorgeous daughters, Delia (turned 3 on February 28th) and Afifa (almost 4 months, born on December 5th, 2010).

I am teaching private voice and piano lessons, keeping busy with my studio of 16 students. Also having the BEST time as the Musical Director for a youth theater in Pleasant Grove (25 min north) called "Center Stage Youth Performers". We are preparing for "Beauty and the Beast" at the end of this month!!! Love my 90 theater kids, and LOVE the awesome ladies I work with!

My hubby works for Veracity Networks (telecommunications, basically Comcast's local competitor) doing their graphic design and web-work. He started off last July as an intern, and was hired on full-time November 1st; February he got promoted out of a cubicle desk into a great office, and this month he got a raise!!! Great company, great environment, and nice salary! So proud of him!!!! He works so hard for us, and I love him so much for it.

Ok, I gotta get cracki-lackin on the rest of my to-do list (clean, clean, get gym membership, shopping, lunch, clean some more, compile my recital song list, ALL before 3:30 when my first student shows up!) So I'll get some pictures up, then REALLY try to make this part of my weekly, if not daily routine. Heaven KNOWS I have a lot to say!!! :D




Native American Pictographs


Afifa and I hanging out in some limestone!


Goblin Valley State Park













Delia's "nest" :)

Catch up time!!!

Wow. Ok. So it has been....3 months since I last posted. Ooops.

We spent a wonderful Christmas with Neal's family in Cody, WY, got to hang out with bro and wife (Mark & Jillayne) in Powell a bit, and also was happy to see Aunt Jen and her family again in Ralston, where I spent my Senior (and BEST) year of high school! Shortly after Christmas we met up with younger bros and sis in Otto and got to say hi to the Kelly & Terry family, and dropped in on the Jones grandparents. All in all, I'd say we almost made up for our 3 1/2 years in Georgia!

January 2nd we made it to Springville, UT and crashed at Neal's bro's, and turned in our U-Haul that was 9 days late, cringing at the thought of the overdue fees, but thankful that we detoured around the nasty snowstorms just before Christmas. However, we were ecstatic when the nice boy behind the U-Haul counter canceled all of our $200+ fees!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

January 4th we were given the ok to move on in to our little "ski lodge". WE LOVE IT HERE!

Heber City is like a winter wonderland right now, and I am excited to experience ALL the seasons here, unlike in Georgia, where you got super hot & humid, or bone-chilling cold, and the occasional deluge. Oh how I have missed the mountains and the snow!!!

I truly honestly hope that we are here for the rest of our lives.

Delia turned her big 2 a couple weeks ago on Feb 28th, and since then has gone BACK to sucking her thumb, STOPPED potty-training altogether, and WON'T sleep through the night, like she has since she was 6 weeks old. REALLY?! ok.

On the other hand, she has an amazing imagination, loves to build towers, says "THANKS MOMMA!!!" to everything i do for her, and finally said, for the first time without any prompting, "I wuv you momma." YAY!!! Nothing better than that feeling, right there!! One of my favorite things about her is her energetic responses, like her "UH-HUH!!" with wide eyes and mouth in a big 'ol grin; her "OH!", really short and musical, like she has just discovered something incredibly amazing; and i love that she says "YES! Yes momma!"

She also loves to "help" with dishes, loves to "help" cook, and "help" crochet things when I'm doing a project. She can say almost every letter of the alphabet, biggest letter nemesis is "f", and somehow her "froggy" and "water" sound almost identical....
Her counting is really funny.....she can say them all when repeating after me, but when I hear her counting things on her own, it's always "1---2---3---8-9-10!"

D loves loves LOVES books and asks for them first thing in the morning (or at 3 am, whatever), at naptime, before bedtime, in the car, and at people's houses! Her favorites are "I Know A Rhino" and "Tumble Bumble" from her friend Katie in Savannah. She'll pick those over any of them!

Well i think that's about long enough for now.....gotta messy house calling for me and tummy growling that it's time.

Should have lots of adventures to post about next week as D's cousin Alex is coming to visit from Denver, and i can only imagine the fun times we'll have with him (3), D (2), Mel (5), and Ki (20 mo?)!

Peace OUT!

And we're........OUTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!! Almost.....

!

THIS IS MY NEW HOME!

Two days before Thanksgiving I got a call from Neal, telling me I needed to get to a computer, NOW! I was on my way to pick up Delia from the babysitter after teaching some lessons, so I asked to use their computer for a minute. He had sent me an e-mail attachment with some pictures of this cute little lodge in Utah. I called him as I was looking at and he said "Guess what? That's our new home!!!!!!!" It took a few minutes for everything to process in my brain, and as soon as it DID, I couldn't stop thinking at about a billion miles an hour!! He had landed a job with the Western artist Peter Fillerup in Heber City, Utah, about an hour out of Salt Lake City. As part of the job deal, Pete is letting us stay in this fully-furnished, 2 bd/2 bath lodge that he built onto his studio, originally to be a showroom for his artwork. He does custom furniture, lighting, and sculpting. It's INCREDIBLE!! We only get to stay there for probably the first 6 months, but it is RENT and UTILITY-FREE. How cool is that?! It will give us the chance of a lifetime to get on our feet, get a good start on our loans AND savings, plus time to look around for another place, instead of just having to jump into something out of sheer necessity. Hopefully we can find a cute little house somewhere :) So we are taking off next Sunday. I have a piano recital THIS Sunday (30 performers!), and then I am turning my studio over to Rhonda Bennett. I have had so many tears already from my kids AND their parents!! :( I'm really going to miss them all so much. Each student has taught me something new and all-in-all it has been a really great experience. However, I am so looking forward to turning the "bread-winner" title in and retiring :D I can't wait to be able to spend all my time with Delia now, and learn how to be a really great mommy. I have just had to divide my time too much, and she hasn't gotten her fair share so far. I am so excited. Don't even have any reservations about what I'm going to DO with all of my time now :) I do need to get something done today though....So tata, and more updates soon :) P.S. Delia has said 2 sentences so far: "I need help!" (we get that one about 3,000x a day) and then I was chastising her for spilling her water all over (on purpose) in the carseat, and she looked at me and said "It's just water." I looked at Neal and he burst out laughing! She is so right though. It WAS just water. *sigh* What do you do?

So much uncertainty... So exciting! :)

I'm taking Neal to the airport tomorrow at 4:30am to catch a one-way flight to Salt Lake City. No, he's not leaving me for good :) He's going for some business/web training and a couple of interviews. It's REALLY crazy, because by next week, things could be so incredibly different!!! If he gets a job, and someone wants him to start immediately, he will. And I'll be single-momming it for a month. Which would be really, super hard, but I think I would survive.

I've been feeling amazing lately. I almost feel like something's wrong with me, that I can go from so sad and unmotivated to being crazy excited about life and all its possibilities. I can actually pin point the change to a certain situation, though, so I don't think I'm bi-polar :D Let's just say I feel that I have made some huge strides in the "growing up" department lately, and understanding/accepting the things I CAN change, vs. the things I WANT to, but CAN'T change.

That's about all I have to say for now. I'll try to keep you updated, and I'll see how happy I can stay with my hubby being gone for and undetermined amount of time :(


This was me, 3 1/2 years ago! :)

Depression

Depression is a funny thing, in a not-so-funny way.

It makes me not want to do anything, but then I get more depressed when nothing gets done. I know I have a wonderful husband who loves me infinitely; a daughter who is more-or-less the most beautiful and interesting thing that has ever walked the earth; a job doing something I love; and a knowledge and understanding of certain spiritual things that many people live their whole lives without.

So I ask myself regularly, WHY do I get depressed so much?

It is definitely in my family, no doubt about it. And I suffered a childhood of it's unchecked-effects in my mother. I speculate that she also did growing up, especially with her parents' divorce when she was 13. So is it hereditary? I don't know if it's necessarily "in my genes", but I do believe it is an automatic, learned response. The only way I ever saw things dealt with. Get mad. Shut down. Cry a lot. Don't talk to anyone except to yell and scream and bully your kids. And most ESPECIALLY, don't let anyone know you are having a hard time, because that is showing your weakness, and you're not allowed to have any. You must be perfect at all times.
Well, I've tried that...and it's depressingly impossible. So guess what everyone? I get depressed. And it feels really, really good to say that.

On top of that, however, this "knowledge" is sometimes depressing too. It has the potential and capacity to bring utter joy, peace, and personal comfort, but with it comes the pain of seeing those who need it either reject it, misuse it, or both. And when something means the world to me, and makes my heart spontaneously burst with happiness on a regular basis, I want all the people that I love to experience it as well. But then I hear, "It's not for me." Or, on the flip side of that, confess to knowing and believing the same things that I do, then acting hypocritically. That breaks my heart more than the first.

For example, imagine someone teaching you one day a week that you are important; unique; special; and that they love you very much. Then for the next six days, they call you lazy; worthless; stupid; then they hit you and scream in your ear; call you a liar. Which of these are you prone to believe? Most would probably get a really twisted sense of the word "love" and its connotations.

Huh. So much to ponder. But I think I am going to get through this.

Bank Account

This is AWESOME ... something we should all remember.
A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each
morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved
perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.
His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After
many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled
sweetly when told his room was ready.
As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description
of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just
been presented with a new puppy.
Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.
Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.
Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is
arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it.
'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice;
I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful
for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day
and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank
account of memories!
Thank you for your part in filling my Memory Bank.
I am still depositing.
'Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred..
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Have a nice day, unless you already have other plans

Thoughts

I read a very stirring presentation by the amazing Dallin H. Oaks that he gave to a group of BYU students about our religious freedoms being threatened. With all the "threats" out there today of war, economic collapse, nuclear attack, etc., it's refreshing to have a source that you can really identify with and say, "If this man says it's a threat, then you KNOW he knows." Thus the importance of continuing revelation.

The entire presentation has a link on the lds.org homepage right now, but the part that fueled my fire were the comments about the Proposition 8 in California. A pro-gay rights spokesperson said this about our Church's position on marriage: “I’m not intending it to harm the religion. I think they do wonderful things. Nicest people. . . . My single goal is to get them out of the same-sex marriage business and back to helping hurricane victims.”


This was on my mind this morning as I was driving, and I saw a firetruck parked near a home. There was no fire, and i'm not sure what their purpose was at that moment, but the scene that flashed through my mind was kind of a Sesame Street type....when the fireman is rescuing a kitten from a tree for the distressed old lady.


The analogy came immediately afterwards: what this man was asking us, as a church, to do, is like asking the firemen to stop trying to put out fires, and rescue more kittens.

Bahamas Trip

We made it back!! Had a great time on our quick little cruise and one day in Nassau, Bahamas. Went to Paradise Island and saw the Atlantis resort, took a fun little van tour across all of New Providence, got to go on a semi-submarine out to a couple of reefs, then, of course, there was all the funness of the cruise ship!! Pools, water slide, music, comedians, and LOTS of free food! (I gained 5 pounds in 3 days :D )


Here are some pics!

Silly old men

I went to get gas this morning and pulled up at the same time as a cute old man (we're talking like 75). He smiled at me and followed me into the store. I gave the cashier my $25 (trying to stick to a cash system---no more credit and minimize debit), went back out and began pumping. The gentleman came out a minute later, saw my license plate and said "Wyoming, huh?" I smiled and just gave a "Yeah :)" Then he said, "You're no bigger than a minute, but sure are adorable." I'm sure my face lit up, I gave a little laugh and said thanks. He wished me a good day and waved goodbye as he drove off.

These little moments just make my day. But they are also the thing that make it hard for me to ever visualize, or think of myself as an adult, a grown up. So much of the time I feel like a 35 year old, stuck in a 14 year-old's body.

I haven't really been adversely affected by it yet I think, except that it's hard to feel like I could ever be a role model for anyone over the age of 12. I don't think people see me and think of me as the strong, independent, mature person that I want to be known as. It's more like a surprise when I do something mature, because I feel like I'm only compared to teenagers. Or maybe that's only what I perceive. And I do very much believe that my perception can be extremely warped. Not sure how to fix something like that.

Oh well. I need to go read or something. My house is clean, my dishes done, my laundry caught up, we're all packed for our trip, my baby's sleeping, and my husband is out teaching with the missionaries. I've never felt so at a loss for something I SHOULD be doing!! :D And I L.O.V.E. it!

Bahamas jitters :)

I am SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOO excited for Monday! We board our cruise ship at 1:00pm, spend Tuesday in Nassau, and Wednesday cruise back. It'll be quick, but it will be amazing. In one year, and before her 2nd birthday, Delia will have been to Washington, DC, Arequipa, Camana, Puno, Ollantaytambo, Machu Picchu, and Cuzco,Peru, and the Bahamas :) Not to mention her two trips to Wyoming. Quite the world traveler already! I'm hoping to instill a passion for exploration :D There are just FAR too many amazing things to see in this world. Next on the agenda are Canada (specifically Abraham Lake in Alberta), the pyramids in Cairo, Egypt, and Switzerland. :)

Hooray for Living Prophets!

This is us getting ready for General Conference!! 13.5 million people, all sharing the same convictions, watching the same thing, learning the same messages of service, our Divine heritage, and our missions as sons and daughters of God. It's great to be part of something so vast and wonderful.

General Conference always feels sort of like another New Year's Day for me....making resolutions to do better, be better. But always being filled with hope and encouragement from all the Spiritual giants we have on our side. We will win. It's hard, but we can, and were meant to, DO HARD THINGS. How could we ever grow if everything were easy.